The Greatest Story Ever Told. Pt. 2

Day 2- (Zacks Actual Birthday)

I awoke, hung over, on a couch that at precisely 7:45 am, gets a gnarly shaft of sunlight beamed directly to where you lay your cozy little head, so I was pretty much wide awake at this point.  Everyone else woke at staggered times and lumbered around Terrell’s hung over as well, and I think I may have been one of the only people with a shirt on.  There was so much skin and chest hair out you would’ve thought we were in a Chippendale’s dressing room.  We roused ourselves enough to ride down the street to Torchy’s Tacos for some delicious breakfast tacos and some coffee, which I ate hoping I wouldn’t be regurgitating on the ride back to Terrell’s.  I was successful, but barely.  When we got back we sat around and waited for Leigh to show up with the rental car while Elvis, Terrell’s dog, was entertaining us with his pretty awesome jumping and tree-climbing prowess.  Turns out Yellowdose gets kind of antsy when a 35 lb dog jumps at him.  Leigh showed up around 1:00 and we loaded up and headed to a bike shop so he could get a seat for his seatless bike.  While he was doing that some of us were dicking around in the parking lot.  I tried to think of a better term than “dicking around” but what else do you call a pull-up sesh on a tree limb, and high-kick contest that leads into trying to high-five each other with your feet?

About 2:15 we showed up at the new cement park for our first bit of actual riding.  The park was pretty sweet, and we played around for a bit trying to sweat out some of the booze from the night before.  Terrell’s chain almost exploded so he, Yellowdose, and I headed to Empire to get a new one.  I guess going to Empire kind of felt like a BMX bucket list sort of thing, so I’m glad I got to go. Not to mention we got a sneak peak of the new ramp they’re building in the back, which is going to be every bit of gnarly.  When we got back to the skatepark Leigh, Trey, Zack, and Darren were kind of wrapping up their session so we left and headed to the original Whole Foods store for an extremely long and late lunch. This place was massive, complete with underground parking decks, shopping cart conveyor belts, self service bike repair stands, and enough food bars to make your head spin. Darren was wandering around like a lost puppy. Speaking of animals, Yellowdose’s fear of wildlife was yet again on display when a harmless bird flew too close to the table. He started freaking out and ranting about the size of its gigantic beak. I think he was jealous. After everyone was done eating and drinking we battled Austin’s horrible traffic and headed to Tom Dugan’s house for a sunset ramp sesh.  We only got to ride for an hour or so, but Tom’s ramp was super fun and the locals were blasting the hell out of it.  Though, I have to say, we enjoyed watching Leigh ride it just as much as the locals.  Leigh was riding exceptionally sketchy and it was pure death-defying entertainment. The sun set so we headed back to Terrell’s for a bit before heading to dinner.

It was decided that it was a good idea to only take Terrell’s truck to dinner, so that meant fitting 7 people in the cab of his truck. 7 PEOPLE IN THE CAB OF TERRELL’S TRUCK.  Here’s how that broke down: Terrell driving, Darren riding shot gun, Leigh, Zack, and myself sitting in the back seat, Trey sitting on the floorboard at my feet, and Yellowdose laying across all of our laps.  Now if your thinking it couldn’t possibly get any worse, Yellowdose farting the entire way and Terrell taking some turns sharper than need be would have proved you wrong.  When we arrived after what seemed like a 30-minute drive, we piled out of our impromptu clown car and hobbled inside some Mexican place called Chuy’s.  Somewhere in all that nonsense I lost my toboggan that my aunt had made me 6 years ago and that I wore every day I possibly could, and I’m very upset by the loss.  Inside we met up with Lauren, Terrell’s girlfriend, and one of her friends and we all started drinking double margaritas.  I went to the jukebox and put on the 10 worst songs I could find in the whole machine.  I don’t remember what they were but I know there were some Three Doors Down and Fleetwood Mac involved.  We had a delicious meal, more drinks, and then headed to famed 6^th street for more drinking.  I drove Terrell’s truck having had the least amount of alcohol at this point, and luckily Lauren was gracious enough to drive some of the crew so as to avoid the clown car scenario again.  We went to some place called the Liberty that might’ve been Austin’s Jackpot.  Dogs were allowed to run around inside and there was even a huge gaping hole in the men’s bathroom door.  We gathered around the pool table and games started being played where the losers had to buy the winners a shot of warm house whiskey.  There was some discussion on who were actually the losers in these games, but everyone got good and drunk anyways.  Once everyone had pretty much had a go at winning a shot and losing by having to drink it, we were just hanging out when the most amazing thing happened.  In case your unaware Leigh is exceptional at shooting the cue ball up and off the table, which is precisely what he did when he launched the ball directly into Yellowdose’s nuts.  I was sitting there talking to Yellowdose and in the blink of an eye he was doubled over groaning.  Leigh had expertly shot the ball off the table about 2 ft. and square into Yellowdose’s sack.  It was amazing and we were all doubled over like Yellowdose, though not for the same reason.  It’s worth mentioning at this point, in case you’re feeling any sympathy for poor little Yellowdose, that when he drinks he becomes incredibly obnoxious.  His favorite drunk past times are pushing, slapping, and generally bothering everyone around, so shed no tears for the guy.

We closed our tab there and headed to The Side Bar.  On the drunken walk there, which seemed to take forever, Leigh once again hit Yellowdose in the nuts and left him sprawled out moaning on the sidewalk.  We got to The Side Bar and continued drinking.  Not long after we got there Yellowdose decided to try his hardest to kiss Trey on the mouth.  He tried really really hard though; needless to say it was kind of weird.  Then Trey offered to give Darren $100 if he could go over to these two girls sitting alone across the patio from us and go home with one of them.  Yellowdose, the guy who 24 hrs ago was going on about how he had no job and no money, decided to throw in $100 dollars as well.  Go figure.  My understanding is Darren didn’t actually sit down and start talking to these girls until Yellowdose introduced him as his retarded friend.  Once that happened however he was there for a while, though sadly, he still came home with us.  When the bar closed at 2 am we found a cab and went home, but the night didn’t end.  When we got back Leigh and Yellowdose had to pee, which they did just inside of the fence of Terrell’s front yard.  Just when they got under way Trey came up and gave both of them a good shove in the back.  Now I didn’t really see this go down, but I understand that Yellowdose was able to recover from the shove, but Leigh went straight down like a statue holding onto himself the whole way down.  Leigh opened up a bottle of 2 Buck Chuck and started putting wine on top of all the other alcohol in his belly.  At some point he was drinking straight from the bottle wearing no shirt but wearing one of Lauren’s coat and hat.  That was funny.  Then Zack decided it was a good idea to take a group photo at this point.  Its about 4:00 am at this point and everyone is near passing out from alcohol, or exhaustion, or both but we got the shot done just as Leigh was dozing off, which is pretty apparent in the photo.  Then we passed out for real.

There’s too many photos here for me to caption or associate with an author, so just guess.